THE SEARCH FOR A JUST SOCIETY
JOHN HUDDLESTON
GEORGE RONALD 1989
PART 19
Chapter 28: Preparing for a Just Society (Cont.)
The Family
Beyond the individual comes the family. As in the other great religions, the idea of family is upheld in the Bahá’í Faith, where it is seen as a basic building-block of society. Accordingly, men and women are enjoined to marry if they can find the right partner, and professional celibacy is deplored. The purpose of marriage and family is two-fold: (1) to produce children, and (2) to promote the spiritual development of all family members. Thus marriage is described as ‘a fortress of well-being and salvation’. It is within the bosom of the family that a child learns to have a loving relationship with others, and it is this habit which enables the child to have such an attitude when he or she grows up and goes out into the wider world.
Each member of the family has special rights and duties. One of the most important duties of parents is the education of their children:
It is enjoined upon the father and the mother, as a duty, to strive with all effort to train the daughter and the son, to nurse them from the breast of knowledge and to rear them in the bosom of sciences and arts. Should they neglect this matter, they shall be held responsible and worthy of reproach in the presence of the stern Lord. This (to fail to educate a child) is a sin unpardonable, for they have made that poor babe a wanderer in the Sahara of ignorance, unfortunate and tormented; to remain during a lifetime a captive of ignorance and pride, negligent and without discernment.
Parents are responsible for all aspects of their child’s education, physical, mental and spiritual, of which the most important is the spiritual. Spiritual education should start at an early age and is then a particular responsibility of the mother because of her closeness to the child at that time in its life. Bahá’ís base their moral education on the teachings of the Faith, but children are also taught about other religions and philosophies as well, so as to increase understanding of and sympathy with others. There is no pressure put on children to follow their parents’ faith for traditional reasons; it is recognised that each person must chooses his own philosophy of how to live. Great emphasis is also placed on that aspect of intellectual education which will be of benefit to all society:
Knowledge is as wings to man’s life, and a ladder for his ascent. Its acquisition is incumbent upon everyone. The knowledge of such sciences, however, should be acquired as can profit the peoples of the earth, and not those which begin with words and end with words.
Bahá’ís try to raise their children with a balance between kindness and firmness, emphasising the encouragement of good qualities rather than focusing on faults, the father and mother trying to give a good example by their own behaviour and to be consistent. Parents should not beat their children or abuse them verbally: this will only make the children hate their home and so defeat the family’s main purpose.
In view of the importance of the family as an instrument for the creation of the just society, it is not surprising that the Bahá’í Writings provide means for ensuring the strength and lonegevity of marriage, at the core of the family. The first principle of Bahá’í marriage is monogamy, a principle clearly related to the teachings about the equality of men and women. The fact that this is the first time in history that a great religion has been specific on this issue is perhaps another indicator that the time has come when there will be no more wars: polygamy has been justified in the past by the frequent shortage of men from deaths on the battlefield.
Another group of teachings relate to the preparation for marriage. Those searching for a marriage partner are advised to look first for spiritual qualities, because though physical attraction is important that alone will not ensure a lasting marriage. The qualities to be sought are loyalty, faithfulness, honesty, trustworthiness, generosity, absence of a jealous, possessive or domineering spirit, a willingness to work hard, and a balanced attitude to family economics, that is, being neither a spendthrift nor a miser. Such a person will have the strength to successfully handle the hard times as well as the good times. A sign of maturity is a sense of humour and an ability to laugh with others, not at others. A marriage relationship has the best chance of success if each partner is appreciative, sensitive, fundamentally at one with himself or herself, and if there is an understanding that what comes out of marriage will depend very much on what is put into it.
There are two important requirements relating to the marriage ceremony. The first is that the future man and wife state: ‘We will all verily abide by the Will of God.’ This means that the marriage is a spiritual contract involving God as well as the two partners, and that each partner submits to the will of God, not one partner to the will of the other! The second requirement is that prior assent to the marriage be given by both the two individuals concerned (not always the practice in the East, even today) and by all living parents (frequently not the case in modern Western society). This law helps to better assure that the partners are well suited by widening the number of those who have to make a decision. This is a responsibility which the parents are enjoined to take seriously. The law also serves to strengthen the wider family relationship and acts as a counter to the modern narrow nuclear family, where much of the richness of real family life has been lost, to the cost especially of the children.
After marriage, the partners (and later the children) are encouraged to consult and pray together regularly and to avoid the autocratic style of family relationships which in the past has crushed both love and the spiritual development of parents and children alike. The sexual relationship between the parents is seen as a healthy and desirable means of strengthening the ties of marriage. For this reason, as well as the obvious danger of sexual promiscuity has in promoting the lower or animal side of our nature, men and women alike should confine their sexual activity to marriage. The Bahá’í view of chastity goes beyond just abstinence from the physical act to include thoughts (which can often be detected by others), manners, posture, and style of dress. Sexual promiscuity only serves to create destructive comparisons and undermines trust. Predatory sexual attitudes not only affect the marriage partners but create division and mistrust in the wider community. It should be added that homosexuality is abhorred: however, the Bahá’í attitude is not one of self-righteous condemnation, but rather one of helping, in a loving way, someone who is in need of medical assistance and has a particular problem, which if addressed resolutely will lead to great spiritual growth. Divorce is permitted in the Bahá’í Faith but is strongly discouraged. It should be considered only when there is complete aversion between the marriage partners and in the light of the teaching that those who cause a divorce bear a heavy spiritual responsibility. If, after every effort, a couple feel unable to continue a marriage, they may apply to Bahá’í institutions for a divorce which will be granted after a year of patience during which they live in separate households and final opportunities are available for reconciliation.
Collective action
The third dimension of the Bahá’í programme for a just society (to be continued)